Dec 26th: T-4 Days

Exodus

Today marks my departure from civilization… Well it marks my departure to Christchurch, where I will spend at least 2 days getting my “extreme cold weather gear” -or ECW- and some vanilla extract (because Pole is apparently out, and someone has to be the hero the station needs)!

tldr; I will be traveling for the next two days, from DC to Houston, Houston to Auckland, and then finally Auckland to Christchurch. I am scheduled to fly to the Ice on Dec 30th, which means McMurdo on Dec 30th, and hopefully (albeit unlikely) to Pole on the 31st.

The Feels

– because people apparently like to hear about feelings, and not just facts ;P –

This week has been a whirlwind of crazy family activity, nostalgic reminiscence and long goodbyes.

This year has been particularly difficult on my family, starting from the day I last returned from Pole. Polly’s aunt had passed away unexpectedly while I was returning from the summer at Pole. A few weeks later, I received one of the worst phone calls of my life while driving to an SPT collaboration meeting in Chicago. It was Polly, crying, barely able to get the words out:

” Allen, they found a tumor.”

That call will haunt me forever. Her father had been taken to the hospital for an unknown reason and, after an MRI, they found a Glioblastoma the size of a plum in his brain. No one in our family could have expected that. The absolute helplessness I felt was devastating. I nearly drove off the road, not sure whether I should turn around and go back, or keep going to Chicago. They would perform the first of 3 surgeries that weekend, and I would drive down from Chicago just as the surgery finished.

Since then, her father, Jim, has undergone 2 more surgeries and has a miraculous job recovering from them. Unfortunately cancer is a horrible beast, and the chemo, treatments, and repeated surgeries are taking their toll.

Meanwhile her grandfather was in and out of the hospital for the past several months. We unfortunately lost Baboo this past week, just before Christmas.

My own side of the family also had it rough in 2019. The recurrence of cancer in both my grandfather, and grandmother was a full time job for my parents. At this point it seems like cancer is an inevitable part of the life-cycle. My Grammy passed away a few weeks ago after her cancer spread. As I write this, I can’t help but hear her last words to me. She told me the story of when she and my grandma Martha rushed to the hospital to try and watch my birth. “I’ve loved you since the first minute I saw you”. A grandparent’s love is truly something special. An undeserved, unconditional love.

All this is to say that next year will be difficult for both myself, my family, and mostly, Polly. I know that she has endured a lot of pressure and stress recently, and that she is more than capable of thriving on her own! It will be hard not being there in her times of need, and at some times not even reachable by phone (not that I am even a good phone conversationalist…). I don’t understand why she loves me sometimes… 🙂 It may be the hardest year of our lives, but I know that the independence and strength we will gain from this experience will bolster our relationship, and we can look back on it for the rest of our lives.

A lot of good came in 2019 as well, we added a member to the family! My nephew, baby Finnian has helped everyone embrace the joys that life brings. And he is goddamn adorable! My engagement hopefully brought some happiness and enjoyment. With a wedding in the future, and planning underway, it sure keeps Polly and I busy (even though it’s two years away). Friends and family have been wonderful backbones to our lives, and I love being able to get together after so many months apart, and feel like we never left – wrestling, witty retorts, and back rubs included!

I think for myself this experience will provide an escape from real life. A chance to get work done, and to hit a “reset button”.

Here’s to 2020, and better days. Here’s to Grammy and Baboo and Linde, and everyone else lost in 2019. And here’s to more good times, better times, and the best of times. Cheers!